My Problem with 50 Shades of Grey

Friday, February 13, 2015

I am a huge advocate for people reading whatever they want to read, no matter what type and kind of book it is. I've also learned over the years that there are times that it's okay to stay quiet about your opinions on a book, especially if someone you know absolutely loves it. Take for example the Twilight series. When this became a hit and became a phenomenon to many, I tried to understand what the fuss was about. The truth is, people will want to check out whatever is popular. I realize now there's no point of saying, "That book is awful" or "I hate that book so much," because the truth of the matter is, it's none of my business. That's the amazing thing about books. We are free to pick up whatever we want to pick up. We can like what we want to like. I've learned to let it go, to accept that there will always be the latest book craze, and that it can be beneficial: people actually get books and actually start reading. I love that. I appreciate that.

Then there's 50 Shades of Grey. Over the years of its popularity, I haven't said my opinions on it. I couldn't find a reason to write a review complaining about how badly written it was. With the growing amount of readers (and viewers) because of the movie adaptation, I had to talk about it a bit. 

My biggest problem with the series is not that it's badly written. My biggest issues with it are with two things: First is with its portrayal and misrepresentation of BDSM and consent. The second is with how the book leads people into thinking the relationship between these characters is acceptable, romantic, healthy, and ideal.

First off, BDSM stands for a variety of practices involving dominance and submission, among others. Before saying anything else, let me get it out of the way that I am not at all, in any way, saying that BDSM in books is bad. On the contrary, I think that it's healthy to have books center around the topic, as this activity and community does exist in some relationships. Also, the Erotica genre is out there for a reason: there are readers! The problem here though is that 50 Shades of Grey has never been marketed as an Erotica. It apparently belongs in the Romance genre.
From what I can also tell from the many people who are into the activity and the community, BDSM is consensual, which is one of the most important parts of the lifestyle. Another important aspect is safety. Whoever is involved needs to feel safe with his or her partner, hence, the creation of "the safe word." If really looked at, 50 Shades of Grey does not at all practice consensual BDSM. 

This biggest flaw lies in the character of Christian Grey, the wealthy, handsome man who meets 21 year old Anastasia Steele, a shy, innocent, and inexperienced college student. As their relationship progresses, Anastasia discovers that Christian likes particular things: BDSM, specifically.
In the book, Christian introduces her to his world. Soon, readers will start seeing that Christian Grey does not, in fact, follow the general rules of BDSM. A perfect example of this would be when Christian does not stop, even when she repeatedly says no to him. He also continues even after she uses their safe word. Even when she has stated to him that she doesn't want to do anything as she is still feeling discomfort, he ignores her concerns.
There's also many moments in the book wherein Anastasia fears Christian's reactions. She often has a hard time saying what she has in mind, because she might get punished. How is this in any way a sign of a healthy relationship?

To make matters worse, Christian has a reason for his actions! He blames his troubled past, as if it's totally acceptable to "blame" something for their antics. Of course, because he has already emotionally and mentally manipulated Anastasia, she believes and sticks with that reasoning. She continues to forgive all his wrongdoings, even when she herself thinks how wrong everything is.

These excuses not only misrepresent people who are into BDSM, making it seem as if only the 'troubled' enjoy those activities. It also encourages the partner to easily let things slide as long as there is a seemingly valid reason, when it should never be okay to ignore consent and devalue the word "No." No amount of expensive gifts and trips - which Christian showers her with often - should be able to cover up the error in one's ways and actions.

Now recently, when I shared these thoughts outside of the blogging community, someone told me, "It's just a book. Calm down." Well, books are a huge part of my life. It's never just a book to me. It's a part of me, and a part of the world and society I live in. So to me, it is important to talk about things like this.

At the end of the day, I have no right to tell others to stop reading the series or seeing the film. Everyone should feel free to pick up any book and watch whatever film they want, without feeling judged by their choices. I simply wrote this because I just have to say these thoughts out loud.

Now if you are open to advice and open to my suggestion, I would say don't read it. Books are vital to one's growth, and over the years of reading as many kinds of books as possible, I learned that literature isn't just there for entertainment. It's also there for education, personal growth, and self-awareness. Misrepresentation of any subject, topic, idea, or community is not something I like to support, and that is why I do not like and do not encourage reading 50 Shades of Grey. As always, those are just my opinions. Share yours.

18 comments:

  1. I agree, books are not just entertainment, they also shape us. And I completely agree with everything you said. Except maybe that, I wouldn't say don't read it; sure, do (although one can spend time in a better way), but be aware of the misrepresentation in it.

    Speaking from personal experience considering this very book, I'd say it's okay reading it if it brings one to a greater awareness of certain issues. When I first read it, I didn't think it bad at all (after all, I've read even much worse (I know!) written books, and as for originality, very few ideas can be deemed 'original', in my opinion) and I even (gasp!) liked it. But the reasons I liked it was for the issues it portrays... for making me think about them. But then, I consider myself an intelligent woman (no offence to other readers intended) and I of course didn't see the relationship and the life-style it portrays as something ideal or something to aspire to. And I admit I hadn't known much about BDSM prior to reading the books, but I educated myself since then and saw how badly it was misrepresented in them.

    What I'm trying to say is that it's nothing wrong by reading the trilogy per se, but what bothers me with it is that it's being marketed as romance and that apparently a lot of women or even young girls (I mean, there were teens on the movie première in my country - which I didn't go to, because I am definitely not going to watch it, but I saw about it on the news; who the f*** thought that is an appropriate movie for teens?) would just blindly think that's how relationships are. And that's terrible. And that's something I didn't consider when I first read the book, because to me it was so inherently logical that what it depicts is unhealthy and definitely not romantic and that's why I even defended the book as something about very real and interesting issues, because it didn't occur to me, that some people would just buy in the marketing and think a woman being treated like Anastasia is was okay and normal.

    I hope I made sense with my comment. The point is, I changed my mind about 50 Shades of Grey, and I'm not ashamed of admitting it; it's okay to be wrong and learn better, I guess. And it would be nothing wrong with the book itself if it wasn't marketed as something it isn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and your response, Jo Kay! I absolutely agree with you, I think it IS a good idea to read. I guess I was only talking and suggesting NOT to read it, mainly for people who don't read as often since there are many other choices out there.
      And you made such a good point, about the fact that it IS marketed as a romance! I've never heard anyone really call it as erotica. Maybe this is also the reason why I'm pretty upset about it. This way, like you said, teens and younger audiences are getting into this, encouraging skewed perceptions of what romance is.

      Delete
  2. You make some great points, and I agree with all of them. I read this earlier today and it really resonated with me: http://www.aimmyarrowshigh.com/post/110802248650 I thought you might find it interesting too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for linking me to that blog! Thought provoking. And thank you for reading.

      Delete
  3. I haven't read the books. I usually skip sex scenes, so in this case I skipped the whole book. This is not because I'm prim or religious or anything, I just don't find it contributes to the plot and I read for a series events that leads to a conclusion. I also skip chase scenes.
    As a middle school teacher, our attitude toward so/so books has usually been "at least they're reading" and in many cases a kid who picked up Twilight because it was cool ended up ;trying other authors when they were done, because now they were getting ideas from the kids who are born readers and have a lot to say about books.I guess you could apply that idea to adults.
    What bothers me is what you said about Christian Gray not following the rules of BDSM, even when she says no and uses the safe word. Another thing I deal with is middle school girls reading books they're really not old enough for, as well as the social issues of dealing with boys. We always teach them, and the boys, that "No means No" and if this book is one of their first experiences reading about adult sexuality they will be getting a warped message.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is interesting to see a perspective from a middle school teacher, thanks Elizabeth!
      I don't really like Erotica, but that's just me. I just feel like I had to talk about this one because like a fellow blogger who left a comment above, 50 Shades of Grey is being marketed as romance, which is worrying! There are teens watching and reading this stuff, and it is definitely scary that it makes it seem like not respecting NO is a normal thing in relationships.

      Delete
  4. I enjoyed your comments Jillian. Haven't read/watched 50 Shades and don't plan to, so your thoughts were informative.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I enjoy your post. I too have not read the books nor do I want to. Many of my friend have so I know the basic story line. I fully agree with you - I do not care what people read, I just knew for me this was not a book I would enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Sheila. Yes it is not for everyone for sure.

      Delete
  6. I read the first book when it was first released and wasn't impressed with the writing and the premise. Bottom line, it's just isn't my cup of tea, with or without those topics. And yes, I totally get your points, Jillian. This trilogy is definitely not a romance IMO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading my post Melody, even though you haven't read the books! And yes, I agree; the writing is just not impressive at all to say the least.

      Delete
  7. So wonderful of you to be accepting of whatever people choose to read, without judgment. And I respect you even more for being bold and calling this book down for its false portrayal of dangerous activities. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for reading and taking the comment! I think it's always best to dive into life and its situations with an open mind. How else can we learn about what we like/don't like, etc?

      Delete
  8. I've read the trilogy and they leave the BDSM stuff behind in the first book basically besides some minor kinky play later. It's not actually a big theme in the books really. Most of it is quite mild so I think people assume more is there than it is, I've read worse. I agree with you on the negative portrayal that something must be wrong with someone to be how Christian is. It's unrealistic how everything is written. He also is very stalkerish in so many scenes, which is not part of that kind of thing. His control is...well, he's ridiculously controlling, whether you throw the BDSM in there or not. I don't find the books dangerous, just not realistic. Not well written either, although I found myself unable to put the first one down. Ironically it was mainly Anna who bugged me though, found her incredibly irritating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that he is also very stalkerish, I should've remembered to add that! And I think for the most part, the book itself isn't dangerous. I just was surprised that many teenagers were in line for the movie so I guess I was talking more about it as a whole. And Anna was not a likable character by any means, but oh well.

      Delete
  9. I enjoyed your points Jillian. I disagree a little on the BDSM aspect though. Book 1 I thought was BDSM, book 2 had Ana topping from the bottom and spinning it, which is another style of the lifestyle but as the books continued on I thought it was very vanilla and romance, not erotica. The sex scenes were not HOT and BDSM is not vanilla. I do think he was controlling but the overall story this came together for me. Not great writing but entertaining in my opinion.

    My main problem with all the readers is reading just for the hype, I had no idea how bad it was. Why would you pick this up if you are not into romance or erotica at all and then find out their is BDSM or controlling behaviour that may make you offended? Why read it? That part makes no sense to me but it did get many to read that don't normally do and it was a 50/50 on enjoyment so from that point I guess hey, yes read it.

    There are people in the BDSM lifestyle that are not safe and will push their partners to points of abuse. I do feel Anastasia gave consent. There was a contract and my memory is when she used the safe word he did stop. (I could be wrong, I read the 1st two before release dates. Very happy I read before the hype)

    I loved your post - just don't fully agree on this one. Sex, boy toys, emails and music = entertaining. I was BORED with the "BDSM"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Marce! Thanks for reading and commenting. I totally understand your points, and in a way agree with it. Anastasia does give consent at first, but I feel like throughout the book it was all about manipulating her into giving more consent, if that makes sense.

      Delete