My Problem with 50 Shades of Grey

I am a huge advocate for people reading whatever they want to read, no matter what type and kind of book it is. I've also learned over the years that there are times that it's okay to stay quiet about your opinions on a book, especially if someone you know absolutely loves it. Take for example the Twilight series. When this became a hit and became a phenomenon to many, I tried to understand what the fuss was about. The truth is, people will want to check out whatever is popular. I realize now there's no point of saying, "That book is awful" or "I hate that book so much," because the truth of the matter is, it's none of my business. That's the amazing thing about books. We are free to pick up whatever we want to pick up. We can like what we want to like. I've learned to let it go, to accept that there will always be the latest book craze, and that it can be beneficial: people actually get books and actually start reading. I love that. I appreciate that.

Then there's 50 Shades of Grey. Over the years of its popularity, I haven't said my opinions on it. I couldn't find a reason to write a review complaining about how badly written it was. With the growing amount of readers (and viewers) because of the movie adaptation, I had to talk about it a bit. 

My biggest problem with the series is not that it's badly written. My biggest issues with it are with two things: First is with its portrayal and misrepresentation of BDSM and consent. The second is with how the book leads people into thinking the relationship between these characters is acceptable, romantic, healthy, and ideal.

First off, BDSM stands for a variety of practices involving dominance and submission, among others. Before saying anything else, let me get it out of the way that I am not at all, in any way, saying that BDSM in books is bad. On the contrary, I think that it's healthy to have books center around the topic, as this activity and community does exist in some relationships. Also, the Erotica genre is out there for a reason: there are readers! The problem here though is that 50 Shades of Grey has never been marketed as an Erotica. It apparently belongs in the Romance genre.
From what I can also tell from the many people who are into the activity and the community, BDSM is consensual, which is one of the most important parts of the lifestyle. Another important aspect is safety. Whoever is involved needs to feel safe with his or her partner, hence, the creation of "the safe word." If really looked at, 50 Shades of Grey does not at all practice consensual BDSM. 

This biggest flaw lies in the character of Christian Grey, the wealthy, handsome man who meets 21 year old Anastasia Steele, a shy, innocent, and inexperienced college student. As their relationship progresses, Anastasia discovers that Christian likes particular things: BDSM, specifically.

In the book, Christian introduces her to his world. Soon, readers will start seeing that Christian Grey does not, in fact, follow the general rules of BDSM. A perfect example of this would be when Christian does not stop, even when she repeatedly says no to him. He also continues even after she uses their safe word. Even when she has stated to him that she doesn't want to do anything as she is still feeling discomfort, he ignores her concerns.
There's also many moments in the book wherein Anastasia fears Christian's reactions. She often has a hard time saying what she has in mind, because she might get punished. How is this in any way a sign of a healthy relationship?

To make matters worse, Christian has a reason for his actions! He blames his troubled past, as if it's totally acceptable to "blame" something for their antics. Of course, because he has already emotionally and mentally manipulated Anastasia, she believes and sticks with that reasoning. She continues to forgive all his wrongdoings, even when she herself thinks how wrong everything is.

These excuses not only misrepresent people who are into BDSM, making it seem as if only the 'troubled' enjoy those activities. It also encourages the partner to easily let things slide as long as there is a seemingly valid reason, when it should never be okay to ignore consent and devalue the word "No." No amount of expensive gifts and trips - which Christian showers her with often - should be able to cover up the error in one's ways and actions.

Now recently, when I shared these thoughts outside of the blogging community, someone told me, "It's just a book. Calm down." Well, books are a huge part of my life. It's never just a book to me. It's a part of me, and a part of the world and society I live in. So to me, it is important to talk about things like this.

At the end of the day, I have no right to tell others to stop reading the series or seeing the film. Everyone should feel free to pick up any book and watch whatever film they want, without feeling judged by their choices. I simply wrote this because I just have to say these thoughts out loud.

Now if you are open to advice and open to my suggestion, I would say don't read it. Books are vital to one's growth, and over the years of reading as many kinds of books as possible, I learned that literature isn't just there for entertainment. It's also there for education, personal growth, and self-awareness. Misrepresentation of any subject, topic, idea, or community is not something I like to support, and that is why I do not like and do not encourage reading 50 Shades of Grey. As always, those are just my opinions. Share yours.